COUP STINKS!

Coup coup, coup everywhere. They have come again. There was a time almost the whole of Africa was under the rule of the gun. It was really ‘fashionable’ then.

Really?

Yes! Then a new wind of change started blowing along the length and breadth of the continent. Democracy was the in thing.  

No more?

No, it is still on but the new wave of military coups and coup attempts is becoming a thing of concern.

What happened or what have you noticed?

Burkina Faso, Mali and Niger started the new trend. Their leaders shifted alliance and allegiance swiftly from France to Russia. And that stinks.

Really?

Russia seized the opportunity to quickly adopt the  orphaned three West African countries as new Russian satellites in sub Sahara Africa.

What a catch! Obokun, catfish bonanza!

Catch for them, wahala for us.

How? What is that mean?

The wahala is in the military pact with the Russians who have grabbed the opportunity of being a counter force to the  ‘primordial’ Western influence in Africa, especially  the West Africa sub region.

Why is that our problem?

Thank you. See that country to the north of our “own dear native country”, NIGERIA, the one that shares the first five letters of our name to form its own country name…

TCHAD?

TCHAD ke? Abooyo (Are you drunk?). How can you compare Allah with Wallahi? Eewo! Does that match Nigeria?

GHANA!

Lobatan! Olodo!! Does Ghana also sound like NIGERIA?

But you said five letters and Ghana has five letters. Doesn’t it?

There is something wrong with your head. Dimentia?

Lai lai, Lai Mohammed

Well, Dimential or Dimeji or wharrrever, I pray when you are back to your senses you will know or recollect and always remember that the country is NIGER, after  chopping the first five letters of our own name. Not only that, we share so many things in common. We have town Fulani. They have town Fulani. We have Cow Fulani. They have Cow Fulani. We have cow bandits. They have cow bandits too. They use guns to protect their animals . We also abandoned bows and arrows for AK-47 guns to kill  angry farmers to protect their hungry cows…

What…

Shhh!  Shut up! You dare not interrupt me again, not  until  your brain comes back fully. So leave  me with my monologue. To put your mind at rest I know what you are about to ask me, which is about the wahala at our backyard up North. Since the coupists in Niger allowed Russian TULASI to establish a military base on our GONGO IMU (right on our nose) we had known that every night would be like going to sleep while the enemy is at our doorstep. Within the twinkling of an eye there has been a coup attempt in “our own dear native Naija” which  is understandably  being hushed up to hide the damage caused. But is it  not understandable why the JAGABAN  of the armed forces called off his scheduled trip to South Africa for the G20 summit?  Smart dude! The street wise  “politician” would not want a KAMPALA treatment as it happened  1975 to an erstwhile ruler.  He apparently heard some rumblings in some military formations whose seismic vibrations were felt  in another nearby ‘neighbouring country, GUINEA BISSAU, where  our ex-President, Goodluck Jonathan almost got unlucky,  perhaps for the first time in his political career, when he was stranded while on an election monitoring assignment on the aegis of ECOWAS. Coup! Coup virtually on Election Day.  Never heard that before!  Ah, Africa! The land of coups and counter coups, democracy or no democracy.  It stinks! Stinks to the marrows.

It’s not funny. It’s not funky. It’s freaky on a bloody f…..g Black Friday!

Hmmm?!

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