Fellow Nigerians!
Lend me your ears.I’ve come to praise Patrick not to bury him. In this “our own dear native land” where our engineers, doctors, lawyers, lroko writers, Okigbo poets, Zaynab novelists, Gana orators, Kongi Harvesters and playwrights, Anikulapo musicians, Lagbaja saxophonists and Dan Maraya singers of world class, we must add one more, a burning candle whose glow cannot be hidden in the tunnel, and that is Igodomigodo grammarian of world standard.
Let it be known I have come to hail the hero and not to heckle him. He is our own and we’ve got to honor him.
Patrick Obahiagbon, the Oredo man who turned the House of Representatives into a Cathedral of Atilogwu grammatical gymnastics, is our bombastic hero in whom we are all pleased.
A celebrity he is!, a flamboyant lawyer with two master’s degrees in his bag, who has made big grammar a political manifesto… He is the typical politician making the rounds lately on ty, radio and social media promising heaven and earth to build bridges of sesquipedalian eloquence and provide rivers of verbiage to flow under them.
That’s not unlike him. He is the
undefeated king of verbal garbage!
In fairness to our hero, he knows his “tilapia grammar” often sticks in the throat of many a listener like bonga fish bone , he is quick to apologize. His words:
“”Sincerely speaking, I want to tender an unreserved apologia to my colleagues and all those who feel that my language is obscurantist”, he said in a newspaper interview. “”The truth is that I do not deliberately set out deliberately to mystify my audience, to deposit my audience in a portmanteau of conundrum…””
Fellow countrymen, do you hear that? Portmanteau of indicipherability! Portmanteau of conundrum! Verbal bombdrones shattering mutual intelligibility!. Apologia indeed!
Hold the diaphragm! He is not done yet. O ya!
“”The cosmic force would not allow me to do that…I’m convinced that I’ve tried, I’m trying and I will continue to try to ensure that my language, or my idiolect is as limpid (and) as diaphanous as possible””
Ingodomigodo!
He must have been a big rascal with a big mouth while in a big grammar school. But if I may ask…if the Honourable uses such “odoriferous, malodorous, insalubrious grandiloquence” to defend democracy, who will translate or interprete the true meaning of democracy to the market women in Oredo, Gwagwalada and Oguta? Or the fisherman in Ikot Ekpene or Makoko, Lagos, who has water everywhere but none to drink?
Na grammar dem go chop or drink?
Our bombastic hero seems not bothered by the bodily and mental aches caused by his “continental ballistic missiles” loaded with mandibular jargons as warheads!
Hero indeed!
Ballistic or Bombastic.
Na your own palaver be that.
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